Always
by Dana Doggett
Summary: Monica and Brad think about the hug they shared in the hospital chapel.


Title: "Always"  
>Author: Dana Doggett Feedback: Website: .com  
>Date: June 15, 2011 Distribution: Serenity of X, Always On Your Side. All others please ask.<p>Rating: PG Category: FollmerReyes, drabble, alternating Reyes POV and Follmer POV Timeline: "Providence" and "Provenance"  
>Word Count: 566 Beta: Little Albatross<p>

Summary: Monica and Brad think about the hug they shared in the hospital chapel.

Author's Note: I don't like using character last names when I write. This is a response to the Awareness Month 2011 FRR Providence/Provenance Drabble Challenge at Serenity of X (details of the challenge are provided after the end of the story).

Disclaimer: I do not own "The X-Files", Monica Reyes or Brad Follmer. They belong to 20th Century Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen Productions. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only.

I can feel it. Brad wants to take my side in everything that has happened. He wants to believe, but is afraid to break down the walls he has built up around himself. He wants to show me that he is still someone that I can trust, someone I can open up to. I told him that I was lost when he found me in the hospital chapel...

... and I told her that seeing her in a chapel was too traditional for her. She was lost and searching for answers, trying to find her way, and all I could do, all I wanted to do was hug her. Feeling my arms around her was comforting for me, but was it also for her? I hadn't realized how much I missed her these past three years...

... I could have stayed in his arms forever, but I had to pull away. He can't know how much I still care for him. He must wonder why I left New York without as much as a word to him. I love him, I always will, but there are secrets he harbours that prevent us from fully committing to each other. I wish he'd let me in, disclose everything, but I suspect it would be at great risk to himself and his career...

... She pulled away from my embrace and I saw in her eyes the love she still has for me. The way she looked at me was the way she used to look at me before I'd carry her off to my bed. I wish things were different. I wish I hadn't made mistakes. Surely she left me because she suspected the wrong I have done, that I still do. I would do anything to go back to 1997 and refuse Nicholas Regali. Anything...

... I'd do anything to erase what I saw that night in New York at Carlos, to never have seen Brad accept money, to carry on blissfully unsuspecting of him. I long for something more, but I force myself to push him away, all the while foolishly trying to convince myself that John could love me, but he can't and he won't. I will always be the one persona who failed to solve his son's murder. John and I have discussed this before and he said he cares for me, but every time he sees me he is reminded of that dark time in his life. His words break my heart, but I don't blame him for feeling this way...

... It makes my stomach churn, and makes me childishly jealous, but if I can't be with Monica, then I can and I will accept that now she loves John Doggett. He's a good man, a great man. He's the exact opposite of me. He's by the books, he's loyal, and he seems to care more about others than he cares about himself. However if Monica does end up involved with Agent Doggett I will resent him...

... John Doggett is a good man, and I hate that my attempt to fall in love with him has made Brad dislike him. I wish I knew how to act around Brad so that he would understand that I love him...

... I wish to God that Monica knew that no matter what happens that I love her, and that I always will...

Always.

END

Providence/Provenance Follmer/Reyes Drabble Challenge Due: Thursday, June 9th Submit to: You can post your drabble in this thread (or email to: )  
>Word Count Requirements: 500 words or less In this FRR Drabble Challenge, address the confused feelings of Monica Reyes - she seems to be becoming drawn between wanting to work things out with Brad, and allowing herself to care more about her partner, John Doggett. Because this is FRR focused, lean towards the FRR. Explore ideas about FRR that are new to you (you can use the episode discussion with other members to help inspire you), if you can try to present something new and unique to their relationship that may not have been thought of before. <p>


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